Trooper Car Confessions
Photograph by PSG Films and Kelly Lambson
You’ve all heard of Taxi Cab Confessions. Well how about Trooper Car Confessions? I spend countless hours riding around in the backseat of Trooper cars. Why you ask? Well, the photographer gets to sit up front since he has to film the Trooper, and there’s no room left for the producer other than the backseat. For the most part, I’m just riding around back there myself, or on occasion with the K9 unit’s German Shepard, Roelle. Well, actually I don’t really even get to ride with Roelle, which would be better than where I do ride. It’s a completely sealed plastic box that’s half the size of a phone booth. Yep, home sweet plastic box. Cut off from the Trooper and photographer while they make jokes about me that I can’t hear through the plastic wall between us. They’re often about the time I fell asleep in the box. It only happened once, but they’ve got the picture to prove it and they love showing everyone that will take 3 minutes out of their day to laugh at me. In my defense, it was a really slow night, and because Becker (my favorite photographer) always rolls the front window down, freezing me out…..I was all bundled up and cozy. I fell trap to the, “I’ll just rest my eyes for a few seconds scenario.”
Anyway, that was my Trooper Car Confession, now for the real confessions. Silence can be awkward, especially when it’s between a producer and someone who has just been arrested. So, I generally try to chat these people up. It’s often entertaining, revealing and let’s face it… inappropriate. I’ll start with the older not-so gentleman we arrested on a warrant. He likes guns. In fact he loves guns and that’s the reason he moved to Alaska. He had actually just been pointing guns at us not more than 5 minutes before I was riding to Palmer Post with him. I thought he was going to be angry and hostile. I was way off. He was more along the lines of overly friendly. First he thanked the Troopers for doing a good job. Then, he told me about all 45 different guns he owns, how he loves to shoot them, and that he’ll take a rifle with him when he takes the trash out just cause he likes the way it feels. He also said that he had a handcuff key in his pants. I apparently wasn’t really privy to his mood, because when the Trooper told him to leave me alone and that the key was a lie, the prisoner replied by saying, “Stop cock blocking me, Trooper.”
Yep, there it was. I was horrified and hoping that the Trooper and Becker didn’t hear. No such luck. Add one more incident to the list of things to make fun of me for. The best Trooper Car Confession, has definitely been the DUI Rapper, or as he likes to be called GI Joe, “Ghetto Lab Representing.” If anyone can tell me what that means, I’d appreciate it. He can free style, and wants the world to know what he has to say. After 30 minutes of him rapping to me I learned that he had one baby mama, was looking for another, had been arrested before, grew up in Compton, and had a rap about moving to Alaska. It went a little something like this, “It wasn’t my decision to be stuck in this ice. Alaska’s beautiful only when the sunshine arrives.” I’m not a rap connoisseur, but that sounds poetic to me. To make this story even better, I ran into the DUI Rapper several months later on a completely unrelated call. He remembered me, had found another baby mamma, and wrote a song about being arrested and riding in the back of the Trooper car with me! I thought riding in the back with prisoners was going to be scary, but I’ll admit that I can’t wait for the next Trooper Car Confession.
Troopers pursue a felon in a high-speed chase and track down lawbreakers across Alaska’s dense wilderness.
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