January 2011 Archives

One of my husband's big projects for the year is to bike more. He got a new bicycle for Christmas and is excited to start riding in one of the most bike-friendly cities in the country. Kellan loves Erik's new bike and when we told him we were going to get a trailer so he could ride along, his eyes lit up.

I wish I could join their enthusiasm. There are many reasons why bicycling should be encouraged, from lowering carbon emissions to weight loss. I like the idea of being able to go places without getting into a car. My problem is riding in traffic. It makes me nervous. The last time I went for a ride in the city, it was in Washington, DC in heavy traffic. That bike ride was so stressful that I haven't ridden on a busy street in 15 years!

Now it's probably time to let that go. Many cities offer bike safety classes for adults as well as children. You can look up cyclist forums online for advice not only on where to find classes, but ways to make biking safer in your city. I think a mellow bike trail is probably my first step. Then who knows, maybe I will be able to handle sharing the road with cars again.

Books are a big part of our daily routine. We always read to Kellan before bed and during the day when I'd like Kellan to lower the energy level from warp speed to something slightly less frenetic, I suggest reading a book or two.

One book that has really captured his imagination is this illustrated dictionary we bought so Erik could show him the solar system. Kellan loves looking at all the pictures and has really taken an interest in the human skeleton and blood vessels. He now asks me if every creature under the sun has bones and blood. Tonight as he was taking a bath Kellan asked if bears, bugs and snakes have bones and blood. Then he asked why mosquitos like blood. I hope I gave him the right answers. Maybe I need to brush up on my animal knowledge by paging through that picture dictionary myself.

How does your kid respond to pictures in books?

A recent article in the New York Times was an eye opener. It focused on the effort by some parents and child advocates to bring back play time. Bring back play time? I had no idea it went anywhere. After reading the story though, I realize maybe playing isn't as second nature to children as it should be.

The article cites many reasons for the decline of play, including more time in front of the television and less access to parks. It also mentions parental behaviors, like adults having their noses buried in their BlackBerry or iPhone device. I suppose if parents don't know how to play properly, children may not be able to learn how play on their own..

It's true that playing with your kids can be hard work. Sometimes I tell Kellan I can't sit on the floor any more because my legs are falling asleep or my back hurts. Sometimes I get very excited that he's going to preschool and I have a few hours that do not involve setting up train tracks. Sometimes I think about how I used to have a fast-paced career and now an eventful day is getting my son to eat broccoli.

So yes, playing - actually, playing with enthusiasm - is definitely hard work. But isn't that the challenge we sign up for when we become parents? The way I see it, there's nothing wrong with not always being up for play, but I try not to show my lack of enthusiasm to my kid. I'm not always successful, but I try! Then I look forward to my next "day off" when I can have a few blissful hours to myself on a weekend while my husband takes over play duty for the day. So it all works out.

How do you handle play time?

When it comes to bagging groceries I can give myself a straight A because I always keep reusable sacks in the trunk of my car. However when it comes to those plastic produce bags, I fail. I try to avoid using them, but sometimes I just can't help wrapping up a head of lettuce or other produce in a plastic bag to help keep it fresh.

There are ways to reuse those plastic bags and even to recycle them, but the best thing to do is to just avoid using them altogether.

There are earth-friendlier alternatives to plastic produce bags, from unbleached cotton gauze bags to post-consumer recycled mesh bags.  If you like to do things yourself, you can make your own bags with a little help from other crafty mothers. Now I'm definitely done with plastic produce bags!

Do you have any tips for avoiding plastic bags?

Kellan: "Mama, why did the penguin drive the rollercoaster?"

Me: "Why?"

Kellan: "Hahahahaha!"

Okay. I guess I can see the humor in that. Kellan has gotten into jokes lately. What's funny to us is he doesn't understand the idea of delivering a punchline. We've told him the few kid-appropriate jokes we know, but he really just likes making up his own. They are on par with the one above. Ha ha, indeed.

While preschoolers don't quite have the language skills to understand words with double meanings or puns, they do understand when a situation is silly or unusual and they start telling jokes, even if the jokes don't exactly make sense.

Now that Kellan is interested in telling jokes, we try to encourage him to tell us stories - the sillier the better - and we are always searching for new kids jokes. Humorous books are great for tickling a child's funny-bone and starting a discussion. Kellan loves the Mr. Magee books, a series with whimsical illustrations and silly story lines. We have a couple of Shel Silverstein books and I look forward to when he understands the humor of the words and not just the pictures. Also, National Geographic books has a fun facts series for kids called Weird But True that is sure to keep his mind busy coming up with all sorts of hilarious questions.

How do you encourage humor in your house?

If there's one parenting story that's truly gotten parents in a tizzy, it's the one profiling author Amy Chua in The Wall Street Journal. The article, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior," highlights the Chinese-American, Ivy-League school educated author's "methods" for raising high-achieving kids. This article was posted on January 8, but the controversy hasn't subsided. There have been plenty of online rebuttals within the Asian American community, but I think the article probably hits a nerve with parents regardless of ethnicity.

My first reaction after reading this article was sympathy for her two daughters. Then my next thought was, this woman is going to have some serious regrets. With all of that academic and social micromanaging of her children's lives, how well does she actually know them? There are serious, and sad, consequences to this type of parent-child relationship. I grew up with some of the same pressures the author discusses. Thankfully, I also grew up with plenty of love. So maybe I came out even.

Parenting is by far the toughest endeavor my husband and I have taken on, and we don't take our influence over our child lightly. We understand the huge responsibility of raising a happy, healthy and yes, high achieving child. When I say high achieving, I don't mean expecting Kellan to bring home only As and spend three hours a day sitting at the piano. He doesn't have to be the best at everything, but we do want him to make a real effort.

That being said, I do think that a little coercion works at times. I never would have learned how to ride a bike if my dad didn't beg, bribe, and insist that I finally learn. I do have a problem with telling your child what instruments to play and not allowing play dates, things Chua says she did. She also says she didn't let her kids choose their extracurricular activities or allow them to be in school plays. It must be exhausting to be that much of a tyrant. I wonder if she allows laughter and conversations about rainbows and unicorns.

Joking aside, we get only one chance to raise our kids so why not do it with joy? Yes, there are times when I'm dealing with a tantrum or sleep issues and there's absolutely no joy in that. But having children is supposed to be fun, as well as fulfilling. I know I'll make mistakes - sometimes big ones - but I hope I will always have the trust of my child to get through anything.

What do you think about this type of strict parenting?

We love to play music in our house. While my husband and I have very divergent musical tastes - Erik listening more to the Grateful Dead while I listen to everything from classic rock to R&B - we can agree that playing almost any kind of music is important to kids. It's fun to watch him bounce his head to the beat or do his little wiggle dance when the spirit really moves him.

So imagine the musical mayhem that was unleashed when Kellan got a drum set for Christmas. It was a surprise gift from my brother and one that's brought a lot of noise into our living room. Seriously, I'm not sure who needs protective headphones more, me or Kellan. Once he starts wailing on his new drums, he not only pounds furiously, but he starts yelling at the top of his lungs. It's a great way to get some energy out but boy, do I wish we had a basement!

On the plus side, Erik and I are hoping it will get Kellan interested in really learning an instrument. I have been itching to get a piano for a while now. I don't want to insist that he learn a particular instrument because I know how that backfires. I played the piano as a kid, but once I was in high school I told my parents they couldn't make me take lessons any more. They warned me I'd regret it and they were absolutely right. Now as an adult, I'm trying to find time to play again.

I want music to be part of Kellan's life. I don't want to push it, but with plenty of evidence of music's positive influence on learning, it never hurts to guide kids toward exploring music.

How have you introduced music to your preschooler?

Winter is tough when the weather keeps you inside for most of the day. Kids need to move their bodies and sometimes being inside doesn't cut it. After jumping off his bed into a pile of stuffed animals over and over again, I convinced Kellan to sit for a while with some play dough. We ended up sitting for almost an hour, making roads for his cars to drive over. He likes to make road hazards like bumps and potholes that his cars have to navigate around. We also made a playground with a "whipped cream" slide and "marshmallow" climbing wall. I love hearing Kellan's elaborate stories.

I also love when something as simple as play dough can keep my kid occupied. It is super easy to make at home too. There are tons of recipes you can search on the internet but I like the natural version the best. If anything, this recipe uses ingredients you can easily find at the grocery store and you can use natural dyes for color.

Dough Recipe                   

3 cups flour
1 ½ cups salt
6 tsp. cream of tarter
3 tbsp. oil
3 cups water